You don't have asthma, your pregnant
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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