So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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