Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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