how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
