mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Every concussion has its silver lining
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
