...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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