I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
