How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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