Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
