Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
