What did we do last night that was yellow?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
