So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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