I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
