I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
