i can't believe i had my finger in that
lets start a swedish sibling band together
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
