We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
