Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
