Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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