There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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