he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
