I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I love having hate sex.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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