do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
