so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
