The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
