Your dad touched me again.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
