everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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