i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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