my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
