She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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