My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
