man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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