Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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