i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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