My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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