that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Send help, water and tortillas.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
