Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
