...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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