I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
