I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
