This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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