Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
