I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
