no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
