it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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