This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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