Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
