Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
