I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
