I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
