I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
