i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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