did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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