...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
