How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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