It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
