this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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