Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
