OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
