On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
